John refuses to get on the plane. He has thought about it many times, has played it over and over in his mind. But now and here in the actual moment, he just can’t bring himself to do it. He can’t even say why. It is like a tremendous fear and reluctance that runs deep in his body. Sits in every cell. A fear that makes him not only weak but also strong, because it is part of him part of his being.
In fact, he made it through the checkups, along the shops, passed thousands of people who fly to destinations he has never heard before. He made it to the gate and he even waited until the stewardess called out the flight. And none of that scared him at all.
Now he is standing in front of the stewardess, about to go up the landing bridge into the plane. But that was it, he thinks. No further.
The stewardess looks at him, waiting politely to check his ticket. He holds the ticket in his left hand, clenched. His hand shows some pinkness that is not abnormal for this kind of clasping. Some moments go by that seem probably longer to the stewardess than to him. The stewardess slowly loses her patience.
“Sir, I need to see your ticket.”
He is still lost in his thoughts.
She looked kind. Her character was etched into her face and in her red hair. She seemed like someone who knew what she wanted. Therefore he loved her. But he couldn’t be in the same plane with her.
He turns around and leaves the airport with a box of jelly beans.